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Hidden Dependencies - How to Overcome Addictive Patterns

By roger schwartz, Oct 13 2016 07:08AM

For much of our society, the word "addiction" brings to mind the hardcore drug user or the homeless alcoholic we often pass by on the street. However, many of us may have been guided to this type of work for there is often need to look further. The addictive structure that underlies many of the more obvious self-destructive behaviors commonly manifests in very subtle, but at best, still energetically destructive forms of dependency. Many of these dependencies are not only accepted by society in general, but also even regarded as "normal". One specific type that is often hidden in plain sight all around us is a dependency on others in one form or another.

It couldn’t see this until I realized, that apart from the obvious addictions I had recovered from I was still fostering an unexpected hidden addictive pattern – one that I could only heal through reconnecting with my heart and experiencing myself as my own Higher Power again

A particular scenario has been a part of my own experience on numerous occasions with the added benefit of playing both of two roles more than one time insure the lessons were learned I suppose. The adventure begins innocently enough as two people, each in search of love, make a connection that results in good feelings for both. You may know what it's like....warm all over, everything, at least in this moment, is perfect and blissful, but with a bit of added projection, well....this we can imagine, could last forever! Of course, I believe I must have finally found Mr. or Ms. Right, right? (Do you feel a little chuckle here?) The weeks and months pass by and perhaps Ms. feels a desire to move forward a bit to a deeper level, maybe a touch more intimacy and how about some commitment to make things more solid and secure...what do you think Mr.?

The discussion with Mr. doesn't go quite as expected, his poorly camouflaged cringe and forced smile seem incongruent with the love Ms. knows in her heart that Mr. has for her. Interestingly also, Mr. mentioned, right in the middle of the discussion, how beautiful the new couch was. Yes, the one Ms. has had in the living room for two months already. :) There seems to be a bit of a hurdle, with similarities to a solid barrier, directly in front of Mr. It appears to be a deep fear of intimacy and commitment, a remnant of being hurt before. As one would expect, this new relationship begins to deteriorate, not too rapidly though because both, Mr. or Ms. desperately want to be loved and cannot bear to face the pain of being alone again.

Eventually, after sharing heartbreak and tears, Mr. leaves. After some time apart, he realizes there were several things about Ms. that he couldn't accept and that what was experienced between the two wasn't love at all. How fortunate he felt, that he hadn't committed! The pain fades and all is well until, one day, he notices a feeling of loneliness that quickly shifts into longing. Confusion sets in....surely the longing must be true love of Ms., why else would he only think of her and want nothing more than to be together again? The unacceptable things are forgotten....he must have been wrong, maybe just not loving enough, and contact is made.

Ms. is cautious but receptive. You see, she knows from Mr.'s actions that his love for her is true and that if she is patient and gentle and loving enough, he will heal his fears and pour upon her, the love she longs for. As you might imagine, it doesn't happen. Ms. sacrifices herself out of need for love, and runs out of patience, Mr. realizes clearly once again that his longing had nothing to do with love and the fear remains as strong so still, no intimacy was allowed. Both are exhausted and once again share the heartbreak and tears and go their own way. Several months later, the longing returns and the cycle repeats, and on and on we go.

Of course, freedom for both will only be realized when they look within themselves and restore Self-Love through reconnection to the high vibratory resonance of Unconditional Love that is Source or Inner Higher Power. It is often in our early years that we learn to externalize Love, develop our dependencies on others, and then if left unchecked, our lives become an endless search and sacrifice to feel ok again. It is through the heart based work that we participate in here, and the reconnection with the Inner Higher Power, that these patterns and programs that have run us for much of our lives, can begin to be changed or be transcended. Through this work, we can return to freedom from dependency.

As some of you may already know, if you've read any of the reports or articles I've written, that my belief in the power of God/Source/Divine/Higher Power is clear and strong. Learning to reconnect and work through the heart has changed my life in amazing ways. For example, my own experience with twelve step work and recovery began relatively early in my life and was the primary focus for many years. Although twelve step programs work incredibly well for many, and I still am a part of that, there were some things I just was not able to let go of or transcend until I began working with Jona and Jeff here at transCODES and

Fortunately, I had no difficulty maintaining sobriety and staying clean but did hold on to many aspects e.g., anger, disdain, fear, judgment and victimhood, etc., and lived with a very uncomfortable ball of slower frequency energies in the stomach area for years. Of course, this would fluctuate and dissipate at times but always would return. My belief is that the view that I held of a Higher Power was a contributing factor. Similar to many that come to twelve step programs, I saw belief in a God as a weakness and my view from my limited exposure to religion was that it was some kind of dark, mysterious fantasy that made no sense at all. It seemed made up to meet some need that I did not understand, and as a youngster, I developed anger toward it as Sunday church always pulled me from the woods or river, where I truly wanted to be.

My Inner Higher Power prior to beginning the work here, was always something external...the power of the group or that which power which was nature for example, and never was internalized and experienced or understood as something real that could be accessed once again, through the heart center. The emotional releases that were experienced when the work here began were at times, almost overwhelming, but change was noticed almost immediately as the discomfort began to clear and stay away for longer and longer periods of time. Now, most discomfort is short lived and clears quickly with refocus to the heart and the faster frequencies of Source that are expanded out from that connection.

Since then, I became an Energy Coach myself and I consulted my inner guidance on how to assist others in re-covering their connecting with their Inner Higher Power. If you are interested in how energy work and heart-connection can help you to discover and heal your not-so-obvious dependencies and addictive patterns, check out my GRACE Recovery remote energy modality!

GRACE Recovery was in part developed as a result of these personal experiences with the intention to assist anyone to learn once again, how to return to their Original State: that state of Oneness that we all know before we put in place the programs and patterns that were needed to help us survive this experience in human form. For many of us, they are no longer of service and it is time to move beyond.

We hope you join us in this process in our next Remote Energy Group Session to begin our active Recovery Work.

Thank you for your time!


Roger Schwartz

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